Fleabag: Belinda

Her får du en scene (obs: starten er kuttet) fra Fleabag – en prisvinnende TV-serie skrevet av Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Først skrevet for scenen som en monolog, deretter plukket opp av BBC. Utdraget som følger er fra sesong to. Her møter Fleabag Belinda – en kvinne som akkurat har vunnet en pris for «Best Woman in Business». Dette er (én av) redaktør Hedda Gray sine favorittscener fra TV-serien. Helgens lørdagstips er: se den. Se Fleabag. Den er selve livet.

FLEABAG:
How old are you? 

BELINDA:
Fifty-eight. You?

FLEABAG:
Thirty-three.

BELINDA:
Don’t worry. It does get better.

FLEABAG:
You promise?

Beat. Belinda smiles at her.

BELINDA:
I promise. Listen. I was on an aeroplane the other day and I realized… well I’ve been longing to say this out loud.
(beat)
Women are born with pain built in. It’s our physical destiny. Period pains, sore boobs, child birth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out. They invent all sorts of gods and demons and things so that can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own. Then they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other, and when there aren’t any wars they play rugby. We already have it all going on in here, inside. We have pain on a cycle for years and years and years and then, when you feel like you’ve made peace with it all… you know what happens? The MENOPAUSE comes. The fucking MENOPAUSE comes and it is –

Fleabag’s face is contorted in horror.

BELINDA:
– the most wonderful thing in the world. Yes, your entire pelvic floor crumbles and you get fucking HOT and no-one cares, but then you’re free. No longer a slave, no longer a machine, with parts. You are just a person. In Business.

FLEABAG:
I was told it was horrendous.

BELINDA:
It is horrendous. But then it’s magnificent.

Fleabag stares at her.

BELINDA:
Something to look forward to.

Fleabag smiles. Belinda finishes her martini.

BELINDA:
You better get back to that party.

FLEABAG:
Your party.

BELINDA:
It’s not a party until someone flirts with you. (beat) Now that’s the only truly shit thing about getting older. People don’t flirt with you anymore. Not for real. Not with danger. I miss walking into a room and not knowing… There’s a sort of energy. A dare. Do not take that for granted. Theres is nothing more exciting than a room full of people.

FLEABAG:
Except most people are –

BELINDA:
What?

FLEABAG:
Shit.

BELINDA:
Look at me.
(beat)
Listen.
(beat)
People are all we’ve got.
(pause)
People are all we’ve got. So grab the night by the nipples and go flirt with someone.

Pause. They smile at each other. Fleabag suddenly leans forward and kisses her.

BELINDA:
No, that’s not what I meant.

Fleabag hovers near her face. Then kisses her anyway. A couple of people notice and watch. Not gawping. Just watching.

Belinda pulls away and holds Fleabag’s face.

BELINDA:
Oh, I wish you were my type.
(beat)
Take this tart back to my party and find someone to actually do that with.

She hands her the statue back.

FLEABAG:
I want to do that with you.

BELINDA:
No.

FLEABAG:
Why not?

BELINDA:
Honestly?

FLEABAG:
Yeah.

BELINDA:
I can’t be arsed darling.
(beat)
I’m going back to my room, have ONE more martini and –

She pulls out her card.

BELINDA:
If you need anything, you call me. Anything.
(beat)
You can have whoever you want at your age.

FLEABAG:
Except for the Best Woman in Business.

BELINDA:
Yes, but that’s just because she’s exhausted.

FLEABAG:
Thirty-three isn’t exactly-

BELINDA:
What had Jesus done by thirty-three?

FLEABAG:
Died?

BELINDA:
Exactly. So get out there and flirt.

She floats off. Fleabag looks at the business card. She looks at the camera.